Pickup Line Practice
by sarin68
Summary: An origin story for Shizuka and Kanra. Kanra's in town visiting Izaya, her cousin, and gets bored playing it safe to maintain Izaya's image. She runs into an interesting bartender and finds someone that'll keep her attention. M for language and possible smut, yuri or shoujo-ai, KanraXShizuka/ShizukaXKanra, I don't own DRRR!, etc.
1. Chapter 1

_Got the inspiration for this after listening to some_ really dumb_ pickup lines. This may or may not be a long fic, but tell me what you think either way!_

* * *

Kanra snarled at her phone as she saw that she had yet another message from her overbearing cousin. As if she cared about his image at all. She deleted it before reading it, just to spite him. She dropped it in her purse and went back to prowling for a good bar.

When she found one that looked cool enough for her she walked in and made her way straight to the bar. She glanced around and noticed how hot the clientele is. She took a seat at the bar and ordered a fruity drink that would get her smashed after only a few of them.

"This one's on me," a man said to the bartender before she could pay for the drink. Kanra glanced sideways at him with an expression that appeared surprised. "You don't mind do you?" he asked her with a flirty smile.

"I'm flattered," she replied with a flirty smile.

"Did it hurt?" he asked looking concerned.

_Oh no_, she thought t herself. "Did what hurt?" she asked naïvely.

"When you fell from heaven," he finished with a beaming smile. He was lucky he was cute. His brown hair was tousled in just the right way to look purposefully done, and his outfit screamed well-off and desperate.

She giggled cutely and said, "Do you always use lame lines like that?"

"I just thought happiness started with an 'h'," he continued, "but I guess it actually starts with 'u'."

Kanra wanted to punch him. What kind of idiot actually expected a girl to reply to those? She forced herself to giggle again. "You must be a horrible speller then."

His phone rang and he checked the number. "Excuse me for a bit, darling, would you?" He left before she could reply, going into the corner to answer his phone and talk to whoever it was.

Kanra downed her drink in one gulp. She wanted to get laid, but if her only options were as dumb as that loser then she'd rather get off to porn alone in her room. "Can I get another?" she asked the bartender.

"I think you owe me a drink," a different male voice said.

She glanced to her side and noticed that this man was way cuter than the first. He had dyed a strip of his black hair red to be fashionable but not punk, and his outfit screamed party boy. He'd definitely be one okay with a one-night stand. "Why?" she asked in her best naïve kitten voice.

"Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine," he finished. He leaned in closer to her and she noticed that his eyes were a brilliant shade of blue.

"Well that's your fault for being easily blown away," she teased, flipping her hair at him while turning back to the bartender. He had just given her a new drink, which she paid for, and walked away. "And I bet you use lines like that on all the girls."

"Just you, baby," he purred.

She forced herself not to shudder in revulsion. He was so close to her ear that he practically whispered into it. His breath smelled like fish, disgusting.

"You're clearly drunk," she said while pushing him back half a foot.

"Just drunk on you," he replied.

She readied a response but they both turned to look at the door when it chimed. A woman in a bartender's outfit walked in without removing her sunglasses. Kanra couldn't help but stare at her huge curves, her outfit being tight enough to deserve to be illegal. Her long brown hair had blonde highlights and seemed to fit her appearance so well that they should've been natural.

"What's your name, angel?" the man at Kanra's side asked.

The raven turned her attention back to the man, now looking more like a hipster than a hottie. "You'll have to do way better than that to deserve the honor of my initials," she replied.

The woman who walked in switched with the bartender who was currently working and they started talking. Probably about work since he pointed to a few things below the bar and a couple of the customers.

"Then should I try walking by again?" the pickup artist continued. "Since you clearly don't believe in love at first sight."

_That was almost painful,_ Kanra thought. "Maybe you should keep walking with those lines and try them out on the next girl."

He shrugged and walked away. But just as Kanra thought she would get a reprieve, the first man walked up and sat next to her. "I take it this seat isn't taken?" he asked with a smile.

"Did whoever called you tell you to use more lame lines since they weren't working before?" she asked with a huge smile.

He looked hurt and left after buying a drink.

Kanra sipped at her drink, glancing around in hope that there were any other hotties. No idiot pickup artist was even worth a one-night stand. No one was worth the time. No women either, despite that they were casting glares towards her as if she were stealing all the guys. _You can have them_, Kanra thought, turning back to her now empty drink.

The raven ordered a margarita and tried to distract herself with the sports game that was showing on the TVs. She ended up staring at the curvy bartender. The woman seemed to be a magnet for the drunks, apparently being considered hotter by being the bartender and unable to escape or diss them bluntly.

A drunk who had been openly staring at her for ten minutes walked straight up to the bar and said to her, "Do you have a map? Because I'm lost in your eyes."

"No, but I can point you to the exit," she replied, pointing that the glowing EXIT sign and going back to mixing drinks.

Another man tried a short time later. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Maybe when you asked me another lame line last time I was working," she replied coldly.

Not to be disheartened he continued, "Oh I know! You were in my dreams last night!"

"Do you often have dreams of women slapping you for saying retarded lines like that?" she asked again, fixing him with a stony glare that scared him away.

Kanra chuckled but looked away when the bartender glanced at her.

"Do you have a minute for me to hit on you?" one extremely bold man asked, his words slurring slightly from drunkenness. His friends back at their table were giggling to themselves, clearly finding this hilarious.

"Can I hit on you back?" the bartender asked. At first the man looked super happy, but then the brunette cracked her knuckles and gave him a vicious smile.

Kanra saw his pants darken at the crotch and he ran for the bathroom. She couldn't hold back the laughter and clutched her stomach to try and stop it from hurting.

The bartender ignored her and started cleaning the counter.

The best one was this obvious teenager who came in with a group of other kids too young to be in a bar. He was the most pompous, wearing clothes that were clearly newly bought and perfectly in fashion. He could probably have gotten any teenage girl to fall in love with him after just one look, but no one in the bar was simple-minded enough to even look interested in him.

He and his friends walked straight up to the bar and ordered a series of drink. They had IDs that were clearly fake. The bartender looked at the flimsy pieces of plastic for one second and then snapped them all in half. She kicked them all out and threatened to call the cops if she saw them again.

A man in a suit watched all of that and went up to the bar and cast her a huge smile. "That was impressive."

"That's my job. Are you going to order something?"

"No seriously, you're like a weapon of mass destruction. Your looks alone could kill."

She had clearly had enough because she cracked the glass in her hand and set it down before replying. Gripping the counter to steady herself she said firmly, "I'll be bent on killing you in a second if you continue standing here spewing shit at me."

He backed away and left without ordering anything.

Kanra snickered and asked, she thought quietly, "Where have you been all my life?"

The brunette clearly heard her and stomped over to her spot at the bar. "I'm not opposed to kicking a girl's ass," she growled.

Kanra laughed and held up her hands in surrender. "I didn't mean it like that, I swear!" She kept laughing and it must have convinced the other woman that she was telling the truth because the woman backed away and walked over to serve a drink to a customer waving her over.

When the woman returned to mix the woman's drink, Kanra asked, "What's you name?"

"None of your business."

"Interesting name, but somehow I don't think it does you justice. Mine's Kanra."

She didn't get a reply. The bartender served the woman her drink and took her cash to put in the cash register.

"You're not very sweet are you?" Kanra asked with a hurt look.

"Not if I don't have to be."

"Good, because I like the taste of sour more."

It took the woman a couple seconds to realize that was another pickup line. She shattered the glass she had just picked up and clenched her fist. She slammed it down in front of Kanra and snarled, "I'll give you five seconds to leave before I wring your scrawny neck!"

Kanra mentally smirked. "Sorry, I just thought it might be fun being the one to give them for once. You can try some on me if you'd like."

The customers were almost all gone despite that it wasn't too late. The woman had managed to scare away all of the men and most of the women. The only ones who were still there were huddled in the corner whispering to each other. They had half-empty drinks on their table, probably considering whether to drink them or run for safety first.

"No," the woman spat, going to the sink to clean out her cuts.

"Come on, it's fun," Kanra encouraged. "Just ask: Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Margaret?"

"Punch you if I'm right, but aren't you just as desperate as those horn-dogs from before?"

Kanra pouted. "That wasn't funny at all! And I'm not as desperate as them, since I waited until we were alone before putting the moves on you." She smirked as the last two women rushed out of the bar. "I'm guessing you aren't the most popular bartender."

"Mind your own damn business."

"I will once you tell me one lame pick-up line. And it has to be good!"

The brunette sighed and asked, "Are you Jamaican? Because you're Jamaican me crazy."

Kanra booed at her. "That doesn't count! You totally didn't have your heart in that one! Come on, you've got to have better than that!"

The bartender clenched and loosened her fists. Kanra thought she was probably imagining strangling the annoying raven. "Will you sleep with me tonight? 'Cause I'm scared of the dark."

"Better, but not good enough!"

"This is ridiculous!" She tried to look annoyed but Kanra could see the hint of a smile on her face.

"Like this: If I was a skateboard, I'd grind you all night!" The raven paired her dirty line with an obvious checking out of the bartender.

She wasn't impressed. "Is that your example of a good line? That's terrible!"

"Oh yeah? Prove it!"

"I just made my bed, wanna help me mess it up again?"

"What are you doing tonight? Besides me of course."

"I'm tired, you're tired. Let's sleep together!"

"Are those fuck me eyes or fuck you eyes?"

"You must have a mirror down there, because I see myself in your pants."

"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

"That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd becoming too!"

They both erupted into a fit of laughter. Kanra watched the bartender's eyes water and try to wipe away the moisture. She was taken by how adorable the woman looked when she smiled. She though the woman was breathtaking before, but this was on a whole new level.

"Maybe you were right," the brunette said with a small smile after catching her breath again. "Maybe it is nice to just laugh at them once and a while."

"Glad you see my point," Kanra smiled. "Am I allowed to have your name now?"

"Shizuka."

"That name suits you better than the other one."

"So… Kanra was it?"

"Mhmm."

"Why did you come here if you weren't looking for a cheap lay?"

"The wonderful atmosphere," Kanra lied with a grin.

Shizuka's smile disappeared.

"Okay, fine. I _was_ looking for a sex partner for later, but I have standards which those losers failed to meet."

Shizuka grinned. "Not your type?"

Kanra felt there was more meaning to that than what was on the surface. "Not really," she replied measuredly. "I like more badass partners, like you."

"You can stop with the lame pickup lines now."

"I meant that. You're just my type."

Shizuka looked directly into her eyes with a stern look, clearly trying to determine how honest she was being. "Are you a lesbian?"

"Bi," Kanra admitted. Just as things were getting intimate, Kanra's phone rang and she regretfully answered it. "What?"

"If you're planning on having a place to stay for the next week then I suggest you come back now!" her idiot cousin ordered.

"Like you'll actually kick me out," Kanra called his bluff.

"Namie," he called to his reluctant secretary, "I need you to get the locks of the apartment changed…. Of course tonight! Why would I bother asking—"

"Fine!" Kanra stopped him. "Call off your gofer, I'm coming."

"See you soon!" he replied sweetly before hanging up on her.

"Asshole," Kanra grumbled. Glancing up at the gorgeous bartender she sighed, "I've got to go before my cousin kicks me out."

Shizuka nodded. "Come back again."

Kanra regretfully got up from her barstool and walked towards the door.

"Wait," Shizuka called after her.

She turned around to see the brunette smirking.

"Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it soon enough."


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay guys, so I decided I liked this too much to just let it be a one-shot. Also your comments convinced me that it wouldn't go unread if I did continue._

_I have to say though, it took me a long time to understand some of those lines from the previous chapter. I love corny pickup lines but some are so dumb you'd have to be going for a humored reaction instead of a flattered one if you dare use them. Like "-if I were on you, I'd becoming too" confused me so much I just stared for a few minutes before going "Ooooooooohhhhhhhh..." and deciding to write it in._

_But please enjoy my continuation. It's more serious and plot-filled, but I'll get to more coupley stuff soon._

* * *

Kanra woke up with a slight hangover, glad that she hadn't had more to drink the previous night. Izaya was being normal, meaning chipper and a total morning-person. Kanra was more of a night owl, disliking having to wake up according to her stupid cousin's schedule.

"Can't you just turn that off?" Kanra groaned as she shuffled into the living room and fell onto the couch.

"There's nothing playing," Izaya said in a fake confusion.

"I meant your face," she spat.

He laughed. "That was bad, especially coming from you. What, did I tear you away from last night's hooker?"

"She wasn't a hooker," Kanra smirked, "she was a sexy goddess!"

"So expensive hooker?" Izaya clarified. "Doesn't matter. You agreed to work for me during your stay here, and that means getting up early and running my errands."

"I ain't your gofer," Kanra growled. "Not your errand boy either."

"Well then you can find another place to stay."

There was silence while they both glared at each other, waiting for the other to break first. Eventually Kanra sighed. "Fine you drill sergeant. What are you going to order your slave to do today?"

"Your metaphors are not what you're here for. I want you to track down a client of mine. He's missed two of our scheduled meetings and he's starting to look like a liability."

"Want me to off him?" she asked. "I'm not killing anyone 'til after I've had my coffee."

He tossed something at her, which she caught. It was the can of coffee that she had bought last night before deciding to go drinking. She popped it open and downed it in record time.

"If you're sated," Izaya began again, "then I need you to pick up some errands as well."

Kanra took his list of orders and stomped from the house. She had grabbed her huge jacket and sunglasses before leaving, making sure to put them on to block out the offending sun. Prepared for bright hell, she made her way to the store to buy Izaya's dumb groceries first.

It took the raven an hour to find every specific brand Izaya asked for. She was swearing to herself when walking back, knowing that he didn't buy those brands normally simply because of convenience. Well, if he was going to haze her then she was going to haze him right back.

He wasn't in his apartment when she returned so she threw the bags of groceries onto the counter and allowed the contents to spill out and litter the floor. She kicked one of the cans that had fallen onto the floor, leaving a satisfying dent in its side. Grabbing the cell phone he left for her to use on recon missions – she had laughed at him when he used that phrase, as if he thought it was a video game and not real life – she headed out again to track down some idiot who didn't know not to cross Izaya.

It didn't take long. Izaya had left her a good description of him, his friends and his family members as well as including pictures of every person mentioned. All she had to do was follow the first poor sap she saw, scare the shit out of him until he started crying and fessed up to where the guy was.

"What kind of idiot hides by barhopping?" she asked herself when looking for the bar he was expected to be in. Then it occurred to her that Izaya rarely went to bars after that Heiwajima guy was no longer a bartender, so maybe bars were the best places to hide from him.

She opened the door and took off her jacket which was a dead giveaway. She and Izaya were the only ones she knew that wore those jackets, the two of them likely scaring off any others who thought about taking up the fashion. Instead she wrapped it around her waist and pulled her hair into a pony-tail while scanning the room.

The idiot was sitting at a corner table with a couple other guys who seemed equally suspicious. One was on Kanra's list of his friends, but the other was a complete unknown. An unknown meant a liability, and she didn't allow those in her work.

The raven walked straight up to the bar and asked sweetly the bartender, "Can I get you to make some drinks for my friends over there?"

The bar was huge so had two people working. One, a guy, was way down at the other end so motioned for the other, who had bent down for something, to serve Kanra. The other bartender straightened up and asked, "Could you please repeat that, I didn't quite hear you."

"Well, I didn't expect our reunion to be so soon," Kanra giggled at the highlighted brunette. "I guess that means this is fate, no?"

The woman bartender smirked. "Or you're a stalker. How'd you know I worked here?"

"I didn't, honestly," Kanra smiled. "I'm following my ex around to see who exactly he cheated on me with. Unfortunately the best lead I have is those two with him in the left, back corner."

Shizuka glanced over there and said, "Those three came in separately. Which is your ex?"

Kanra purposefully didn't look around so gave her best description by memory. "The scruffy-looking nerf herder sitting with his back to the room."

The brunette smirked. "Not a very good description."

Kanra shrugged. "It's the reason I fell for him in the first place. I'm a nerd at heart, after all."

"Well they're not on a date," Shizuka explained. "You should sit down and order something to not look suspicious."

Kanra did as she was told and ordered a simple beer.

"They're arguing about something in hushed voices," the brunette continued her explanation. You ex seems upset. He doesn't know your following him, does he?"

"I don't see why he would. He's a simple-minded idiot to tell you the truth."

"Well the other two keep trying to push him to doing something…"

As she trailed off there was a loud exclamation of "I'M NOT RISKING MY LIFE FOR THIS!"

The whole bar turned to look at the trio. Kanra made her gaze less obvious to keep her face mostly hidden from them. "Sorry!" the two friends called to the patrons to get them to go back to their drinks. They began hissing quietly to their loud friend, now seeming a lot angrier. Kanra regretfully turned back to face Shizuka again.

"He isn't your ex, is he?" the bartender asked suspiciously.

Kanra shrugged. "Not really, but same diff'. My ex cheated on me with him. He's a douche who bailed on her as soon as she left me to be with him. I want to know why."

"Why'd you lie then?"

"Who's to say this isn't another lie?"

"Touché."

"I don' like people to know what I'm up to. It make me appear mysterious and alluring." Kanra wiggled her eyebrows seductively at the brunette. "Is it working?"

The brunette scoffed and moved away to look like she was doing actual work. Kanra took the opportunity to take out her make-up mirror and pretend to check up on her appearance while really watching the men behind her.

She hated how limited her resources her information gathering were. She snarled at the thought that if Izaya were tailing him then he'd probably have slipped a bug into their coat pockets upon entering and spent the rest of the time listening to their conversation. He'd probably lecture her about it later if she didn't get more solid facts than a description by memory and one line of conversation.

"You frustrated with something?" Shizuka asked when she ran out of fake work to do and returned to talking to her.

"Not anything in particular," the raven sighed as she closed the stupid mirror, "just at my situation."

"Can I help?"

Kanra eyed her warily. "It's best to not get you involved. I barely know you, and you barely know me. How do I know that you aren't working for them against me?"

Shizuka lifted an eyebrow. "How do I know this isn't some weird set-up where I get tricked into doing something illegal?"

"Touché," Kanra smirked.

"So what do you need me to do?"

Kanra sighed and accepted the help. "They're about to leave, right?"

Shizuka nodded.

"Well can you somehow delay and distract them enough so I can get something out of one of their bags?"

The brunette thought about it. "Does it have to be subtle?"

"Not especially."

"Okay, then you might want to get up to leave too."

The brunette surprised her by leaning over the bar and planting a kiss on Kanra's unsuspecting lips. The brunette smirked at her and leaned back. Her coworker was glaring at her and already began a lecture about proper work etiquette.

Kanra didn't know how this was helping but got up to leave as she was told. Then she understood and smiled.

"I'LL ACT HOWEVER I WANT TO ACT!" Shizuka yelled at her coworker. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Keep your voice down!" he snapped back. Turning to the patrons he said calmingly, "This is nothing to be worried about. Just go back to your drinks and—"

"Don't tell them what to do either!" the brunette continued yelling. "Why are you so God-damned high-and-mighty all the God-damned time?! HUH?!"

"I'm not—"

"You never shut the fuck up about this and that," Shizuka slammed a hand down on the bar-top, "and always acting like you have the right to order people around!"

Kanra grinned at the display and hurried out of the bar. The other patrons, including her three targets, were staring at the bartenders' fight with worried expressions. Kanra slipped her hand into the liability's bag and then continued on her way like nothing had happened.

A bottle shattered against the front window as Shizuka continued her staged upset. Kanra ducked out before a crowd of drinkers ran for the door after her. She ducked down an alley so her target and his buddies didn't see her on their way out.

Kanra waited for the muffled yelling and crashing to stop, and spent the time looking at the stranger's wallet. On the outside it was perfectly normal, but inside it held his badge and ID. It was tempting to steal the cash and cards he had inside it too, but she knew that she'd get an earful later if she did.

She waited for Shizuka to exit the bar huffing. The raven waved her over and said, "That was certainly impressive."

The brunette spent a couple seconds catching her breath and smirked. "Thanks. It comes naturally."

"You didn't have to destroy your job for me though," Kanra replied, feeling legitimately sad that she had cost the brunette her job.

She got a shrug in reply. "I work at several bars, all of which know about my short temper. I'm never expected to be the model employee anyway, but this job sucked the most. The asshole deserved a good yell."

Kanra smirked. "Then I'll just go return this before your ex-co-worker closes for repairs."

She went back inside, ignoring the destruction that was no doubt cause by Shizuka, and walked up to the depressed looking bartender. She handed him the wallet saying she had found it after the rush of people left the bar and that the owner might want it back. He thanked her but kindly requested that she leave so he could clean the place up.

"You certainly leave a trail of destruction," Kanra complemented the brunette after leaving. "Very impressive indeed."

"So do I get a reward for quitting my job and trashing up the place?" Shizuka was smirking and probably already had a reward in mind.

Kanra leaned up and pecked her on the cheek. "Thank you," she said sweetly.

Shizuka pouted. "Aw, that's it? Not even a real kiss for scaring away the entire bar?"

"How about my number instead?"

Shizuka accepted the offer and allowed Kanra to write her cell number on the ex-bartender's arm. She giggled about how old-fashioned this seemed but enjoyed it all the same.

"I don't suppose you want to get a drink with me now?" Shizuka asked after the number was completely written out.

"Sorry," the raven replied. "I actually do have something really important to do now. I'd skip it in a heartbeat if doing so wouldn't get me turned out on the streets. Rain check?"

"I'd have to be stupid not to say no," Shizuka grinned. "Nothing is boring when you're around."

"That's what I live for," Kanra agreed. "See ya!"

She skipped off in the direction of the closest train station, eager to receive a text or call from the sexy brunette.


	3. Chapter 3

Kanra was happy to get a text before she had even gotten back to Izaya's apartment. It was a picture of Kanra's back. It would have been creepy, but Kanra found it hilarious. "That desperate?" she texted back.

The raven was skipping from the train to her cousin's place. Nothing could bring her down. It was even better when she found Namie at Izaya's place without her annoying cousin there. Namie wasn't busy, so Kanra took the opportunity to sexually harass her and get a good boob squeeze in before the secretary stormed out in anger.

Right when Kanra was wishing she hadn't scared away her hot piece of ass, Shizuka texted her back. "_I hate to see you leave, but I love seeing you walk away._"

Kanra laughed and replied, "You don't have any STD's do you?"

The brunette immediately replied, "_WTF?!_"

Giggling, Kanra typed, "'Cause I'd love for you to have a history of Sucking This Dick."

"_Ew. That one was just gross._"

"Don't blame me. I'm horny after seeing you earlier."

"_Well how come you aren't tired from running through my mind all day?_"

"Girl, you don't even have to try. Your boobs are so nice that I want to be reincarnated as your kid so I can suck on them all day long."

"_Just say yes now and I won't have to spike your drink the next time we meet._"

"Since I've been undressing you in my mind all day, I'd say yes."

"_Then just get in the van._"

"Oh! Can I have some candy too? Or is your vag just that sweet?"

"_Please, I'm as sweet as it gets_."

Kanra was giggling like a schoolgirl when Izaya returned home. He looked at her and then glanced around for Namie. "Scared her away again?" he sighed.

"She just doesn't get my humor," Kanra replied while texting Shizuka back: "_Should I wait for you in my car or would my closet suffice?_"

"Maybe if you weren't so aggressive she'd give you a shot," Izaya said.

"Did she give you one?" Kanra asked eagerly. "You probably suggested that she imagine you were that annoying kid-brother of hers. OOOOoooo! Was she good?"

Izaya grinned. "Did you follow that client of mine today?"

Kanra sighed in disappointment. "Yeah, but he was meeting with a cop when I was able to get near. The cop was one from Shinjuku, not Ikebukuro like your client, so they're probably after you or your yakuza friends. The copper seemed creepy, so he's probably pretty experienced." Kanra's phone vibrated and she cut off her debriefing in order to read the message.

"_Are you Googling these? How do you come up with them so fast?_"

"_I'm just that good,_" Kanra texted back.

"Who's that?" Izaya asked. Kanra hadn't noticed her cousin move closer to almost be able to see the text.

"Just the hot piece of ass I was talking to last night," Kanra smirked. "Jealous?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't using my phone for your sexting. What's that name?"

She quickly backed out of the message only to expose her entire contact list to him. He easily snatched the small piece of metal and plastic from her hand and began scrolling through her contacts.

"What _are_ these? Nice Rack? Shiny Hair? Brother complex; I'm assuming that one's Namie. Fuckable Otaku? Do you seriously classify your contacts by their sex appeal? HPoA? What does that even mean?"

"Hot Piece of Ass, and yes, I do. Do you not?"

"Just don't use my phones for social calls, okay?"

"Nope. Just my own."

"So long as you understand that I don't want this… Murder Tits, having one of my classified numbers."

His lip curled upon reading the title she had for Shizuka. Kanra had chosen that name because of how amazing the brunette's rack was and her propensity for violence. She thought it fit. She normally gave her contacts codenames just to confuse sneaks like her cousin if they were looking into her things. Her computer was equally coded, full of supposed porn folders and hentai, but the videos actually being mostly surveillance cam videos.

The phone vibrated and Izaya read it aloud. "That jacket of yours would look great on my bedroom floor." He glanced up at Kanra and shot her a look. "Do those lines really work on you?"

"It's a joke," Kanra sighed before yanking the phone back. She texted back, "_Not half as good as that skirt on mine._"

"Continue your sexting on someone else's time. I need some concrete information."

"I couldn't get any closer to him after that because I would've been noticed. During their time together they got into a fight. Your client yelled 'I'm not risking my life for this,' but didn't leave. He, his friend, and the cop continued talking until the bar went crazy and everyone ran."

"Why did it go crazy?" Izaya asked with suspicion.

"It wasn't me. The bartender let out her rage at her coworker and threw the bar into complete chaos." Kanra giggled. "You should have seen it."

"I've seen enough bartenders go crazy in my life already."

"How _is_ Shizu-chan, now that you mention it?"

"One, I didn't mention Shizu-chan, and two, you can't call him that. Only I can."

"But Erika-san calls him that."

"Much to my irritation."

"Stop dodging the question. How's our murderous blonde doing today?"

"'_Our'_?"

"I met him last time I was here. He was cool. Thought I was you in drag. Pretty sure I could convince him to sleep with me though."

"If you do, film it. That's just the kind of dirt I need on him."

"Dodging again."

"You're being annoying. I haven't seen him. Today I was merely doing recon."

"Recon of his bedroom? Are his boxers as cute as his brother-complex?"

"Stop it. Not everything is about sex."

"Whatever you say."

"I don't need you to do any more surveillance for me tonight. Go do whatever you want as long as it's discrete. I don't need people wondering if I enjoy drag anymore."

"Can I go hang out with Erika? Been a while."

"Not low enough."

Kanra pouted and her phone buzzed. "_You're being such a tease._"

Kanra smirked at her cousin and said. "I'll be out of your hair until late. Don't bother calling me because I probably won't pick up."

Izaya grunted and went to his desk. She ran down the stairs, the elevator being too slow for her, as she texted the brunette back. "Wanna meet then? We can go dance and get wasted."

There was an immediate reply. "_Will I be seeing those panties on my floor afterwards?"_

"Sure."

"_Where?_"

Kanra had done her make-up and dressed up perfectly for a club. Stripper heels, a frilly shirt, a shirt that hugged her perfectly, and her classic jacket topping it all. Her hair was fluffed and bouncy and all she needed now was her date.

The club was awesome. Loud music blaring, sweat and alcohol filling the air, and lots of people drunk enough to not freak out if she grinded up against them. She was tempted to start if Shizuka didn't arrive soon.

Someone tapped her shoulder and Kanra turned, expecting to see her date finally showing up. Instead it was a tall man with blonde hair. All color drained from her face as she recognized him.

"Shizu-chan! Well isn't this a surprise! What brings you out here?"

Shizuo was glaring. "I told you not to come to Ikebukuro, Izaya-kun."

Kanra gulped. "Well, see, there's a small problem with that. See—"

Shizuo made to punch her before she could continue. The DJ stopped the music and people started screaming. Kanra jumped out of the way but straight into another patron. That made her have to duck to avoid the blonde's next punch and roll to get out of his vision.

"Stop dodging flea!" the bodyguard yelled.

Kanra ran past his employer, who eyed her curiously as she passed, and hurried for the door. If she could get outside, she was sure that she could escape the blonde.

As she reached the door, she ran into it to force it open, but it hit with someone on the other side.

"Hey!" they spat angrily, opening the door to confront the person who had rammed the door into them.

"Shizuka!" Kanra cried in shock.

The brunette said something but Kanra felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and knew what that meant. She ducked behind Shizuka in time for the barstool aimed at her to miss her and, surprisingly enough, for Shizuka to catch it.

"What the hell?!" Shizuka yelled.

Shizuo huffed over angrily. "Shizuka?! What are you protecting the flea for?!"

"This isn't Izaya!" the brunette snapped back. Kanra wanted to run away but Shizuka reached backwards and gripped Kanra's jacket hood and pulled her to present to Shizuo. "She's a chick!"

"The flea is a fucking crossdresser!" Shizuo growled.

"Then what are these?"

Shizuka used her free hand to grab one of Kanra's breasts and squeeze. The small raven squeaked in pain and tried to hit Shizuka's hand away. She was unsuccessful but Shizuka let go of her all the same, though blocking her escape route.

The blonde seemed to find that interesting and reached out a hand to copy Shizuka.

"Hey!" Kanra complained, though didn't stop the monster from groping her.

Shizuo's face turned a little red and he withdrew his hand quickly. "They're fakes."

"They are not!" Kanra snapped. "Just leave me alone, idiot!" A vein in Shizuo's head bulged but she didn't care. "My idiot cousin isn't here right now, so leave me alone!"

"Your cousin?" Shizuo and Shizuka asked together.

Kanra huffed and crossed her arms. The club was now empty and quiet, but still incredibly hot and stuffy. This wasn't what she was hoping her night would turn out like. "Yes, my cousin. His name is Izaya and he's a prick! I can give you his address if you want it, but—"

"He already has it," Shizuka interrupted.

"How do you know?" Kanra asked with narrowed eyes. She wasn't about to favor Shizuka by shielding her anger. No matter how hot and funny she was she had gotten in the way of Kanra's safe escape.

"We're siblings," Shizuka explained. "I'm Shizuka Heiwajima, the famous monster of Ikebukuro's little sister."

Shizuo seemed to get angry at their calm conversation. "Why do you look so much like the flea then if you're only his cousin?!" he spat at Kanra.

"Blame genetics!" she spat back. "I don't care what you do to him! Kill him for all I care! Just let me go! Fucking annoying." She breathed out that last bit so only she could hear it. No matter how brave she was, she didn't want to anger the monster when she was cornered. She wasn't stupid like Izaya.

"Then how come I haven't seen you before?!"

"You have. Last time I was here you caught me and thought I was Izaya. I ran away and left town. Why would I be stupid enough to stay in a city where a monster wanted to kill me because of a mistake?"

Shizuo was beat. His anger seemed to disappear quickly and he just seemed irritated with the error. "Well… don't come to Ikebukuro."

"I can go wherever I damn well want! You don't control me, and you have no reason to want me out of your stupid city!"

"Kanra…" Shizuka muttered in warning.

Shizuo was angry again. "If you don't want to die, you'll leave now."

"Nope~!" Kanra sang. She was done. Absolutely done. She didn't care if she ended up with a black eye or broken arm. No way was she going to allow herself to be bullied by the idiot.

Shizuo aimed a punch at her, which she didn't even try to avoid and instead closed her eyes to brace for impact. But when she didn't feel the agonizing pain, she opened them to see what stopped the blonde.

Shizuka had caught his fist and as Kanra opened her eyes, the bartender pushed her out from between the siblings.

"You're fucking protecting her again?!"

"Yes! You have no reason to be this mad! Sure, she's a bitch, but you're just mad that she looks like that fucking Izaya! Leave her to me and leave!"

He tried to force his fists forward and she held them. He pushed her feet a little farther back, but her grip didn't loosen and they remained at a standstill.

Shizuo growled and then huffed. "FINE! Fine. Just let go and I'll leave." She let him go and he called out to his boss, "Tom! I'm leaving!"

The man with the dreadlocks was at the other door and exited as well. Kanra didn't know if they would continue work or not, but she didn't care.

She inhaled deeply and put on her best smile. "Want to dance?" she asked the brunette.

"This isn't a joke," the woman sighed in return.

Kanra scowled and moved to the bar. "Fine, but if we're going to talk then I'm getting myself a drink."

"That's stealing."

"Not if you pay for it."

Shizuka smiled and said, "Then let me do it. I'll pour them more accurately and run in the purchases correctly."

Kanra shrugged and asked for a drink heavy in alcohol. Shizuka poured one for each of them. They stayed quiet and so she got them a few shots. After a few Kanra finally spoke.

"So, my full name is Kanra Orihara."

"I heard that your cousin had that as a screen name," the brunette replied.

"Yeah. He's a dick."

"Guess you can see why most people here think or thought you were him then."

"You don't?" Kanra asked with narrowed eyes.

She paused.

"Oh my gawd, you DO!" Kanra got up from the bar and glared at her.

"I don't!" Shizuka said quickly. "It's just… it's hard to believe that we wouldn't have heard of you before."

"I'm his fucking cousin, not his sister! He doesn't advertise their existence either!"

"I guess not."

"Maybe I should just leave," Kanra growled.

"Only if you want to," Shizuka replied.

Kanra whirled around. "You'd let me fucking leave? After we've been doing nothing but flirt ever since we met and sexually harass each other to the extent of being creepy?! What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you?!" the brunette snapped back. "I just found out this chick I want to fuck is my brother's rival's cousin!"

"So what? I found out that exact thing… only backwards I guess."

"It's just weird. I know Izaya!"

"I'm my own person! Do you need proof that I'm not him?!" Kanra ripped off her jacket and tore her shirt off. She was wearing a bra that was see-through and clearly exposed that her breasts were 100% real. "SEE?!"

Shizuka diverted her gaze. "Put your shirt on."

"No."

"It's not proving anything."

Kanra snarled and stomped over to her. She stopped right in front of the brunette and pulled her head down. Their lips smashed together in a rough kiss. Shizuka resisted at first but gave in, letting the kiss deepen.

Kanra stuck her tongue in Shizuka's mouth and began to tease her lips and tongue. The brunette reciprocated. Soon Kanra wasn't the only one pushing for more. Shizuka's arms wrapped around Kanra and she stepped forward until Kanra's back was against the bar. The brunette was irritated with having to bend down to kiss her so grabbed her ass and lifted her onto the bar.

"That's more like it," Kanra smirked.

"Shut up," the brunette told her.

"But I promised that my panties would be somewhere tonight. It's not my fault they have a previous engagement."

"I think they'll make it."

* * *

_So back to the lame pickup lines. Wow, I haven't written anything for a long time. Problem is my stupid brain only overcomes writer's block when I have something else do. Right now I need to read a lot of chapters for my college classes, but I find myself writing instead. Meh. At least I'm being even a little productive._

_But I haven't abandoned this story. I haven't abandoned any of them, just hit a wall is all. Please review!_


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